Does this sound like a good story?

(It's fiction and kind of sci-fi/fantasy) It's about a girl named Adelaide (Della for short) who is just a normal everyday girl. She lives in Nebraska but moves to Maine when her mother gets another new job. She doesn't want to move there because her father went there on a business trip when she was younger and never came back. They move anyway, and the guy helping them move, Jeremiah, is really hot (I know, kinda cheesy) and Della ends up having a relationship with him. She goes to her new school in the fall however and doesn't hear from him for a while and decides to give up on Jeremiah when she meets the mysterious Goth boy, Zachary. He's stunningly beautiful in a weird way and so are his siblings. Della makes friends at school and is invited to their party where she sees Zach again and officially meets him. He turns out to be a vampire (I know, it sounds like Twilight but it's not!!!) They spend the next day together and he takes her to a clearing in the woods with a strange rock. The rock ends up being a magical portal to a different realm that she happens to be heir to. They go and tour her castle and she learns to be a queen from the current queen, her grandmother. While she's there, she gets into a fight with Zach and they are no longer together. She gets kidnapped by an evil king of the dark side of the realm and Zach must save her. The evil king turns out to be Jeremiah's brother who has locked him up in the tower for not finishing his mission of kidnapping Della.The evil king decides to suck the powers out of Della so he can be all-powerful, killing her in the process. But of course, before she can fully die, Zach and Jeremiah swoop in to save the day. Then begins the epic battle between Good and Evil. Jeremiah ends up dying during a raid in his brother's castle so Della turns to Zach for a plan to defeat evil since he used to be one of them. She prays to her ancestor, Annette, who founded the realm and was the original queen. Her and Della are like one in the same because Della is her long lost official heir to the throne, thus having the same powers over every element. Della now must march into battle, using herself as bait so her side can then storm the evil castle. That's as far as I got. Please tell me what you think! I might post some sections on here if enough people like it. I know it seems like I'm copying off of other authors' works but I really didn't mean to. I try to be original. Please comment!