Idiot wants to know how to insert Micro SD card into cell phone?

Are you sure it's a microSD card? Most older phones used SD cards (about 1.5cm long), but microSD cards are much smaller, probably less than 1cm long. If it's an SD card (and I suspect that if it'll fit into your computer without an adapter, it probably is), you'll either need to get it replaced with a micro SD card or cut bits off (I've done it, but I wouldn't recommend it!)